i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
