go do what you do best...puke behind churches
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
