Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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