I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
