Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It was confusing and full of hummus
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I deserve this hangover.
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