the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
