This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
