seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize