hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.