My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise