Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
