I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize