Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
