put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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