Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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