Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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