I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
