And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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