I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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