Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
