I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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