p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
