Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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