so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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