why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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