im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
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an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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