apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
