I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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