I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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