I feel great
I just peed on a car
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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