You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
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By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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