Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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