I am in a vortex of obligation.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
