A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
