i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I checked into jail on foursquare
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
