i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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