I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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