I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
high people should be assigned attendants
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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