Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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