Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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