I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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