She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
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The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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