We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i love accidental penises.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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