Where did you get a picture of my penis
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize