That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Say something about gay babies.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
