my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
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Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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