i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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