I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize