No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
