using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.