and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore