I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.