Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
